1,001 Days of Making a Better Me

  To what extent are you able to be vulnerable with your emotions? For anyone that knows me, this prompt is almost laughable.  Not because I'm not ever vulnerable with my emotions but because I'm always  vulnerable with my emotions. I wear my heart on my sleeve. When I'm upset, it's easy to see (even if I'm trying to hide it).  When I'm happy, I spread joy around.  When I care for someone, I am very physical with my love. When I'm hurt, I try to let the one who hurt me know and know why. Sometimes, this backfires on me.  I've been told by many, many people over the years that I'm just too much.  That they need to step back from me because my emotions are so intense.  So I try to moderate my emotions.  Not having them, because they are just as valid as anyone else's.  But in how I display them.  Especially when it comes to being upset or hurt, I try to take time to think myself through them to see if I have a reason to be upset or if...

 Today, I finally got out of the house and joined the Mix group on their bi-monthly hike.  This time they were close to home at the  Couchville Lake Trail at Longhunter State Park .  It was a nice, easy path, asphalted all the way and a loop.  The loop is 2 miles and... it was both easy and tough.  I didn't have a lot of problems with the walking at first, but my legs weren't used to that long of a walk.  I could feel my upper body trying to go faster than my lower body at around 1 mile.  Thankfully, my friend Bonnie refused to leave me behind and sat with me at a bench when I needed to rest.  It took us about an hour to do the walk.  I'm glad that I went, not just for the exercise but also for the chance to talk with both people I've met before and those I'd never met.  I found one person who has a child at the same school and is the same age as my youngest.  A couple of us were talking about our D&D game tomorrow.  T...

  What do you know you'll regret if you don't make it happen in your life? I try really hard to live life without regrets.  Everything that does or doesn't happen makes me the person that I am.  That said, there's one thing that I'd really like to happen before I leave this world.   I want to travel outside the US. In my 50 years, I've never been outside of the United States.  Until I was 29, I hadn't been out of the Eastern Time Zone.  I'd been up and down the east coast - living in a small town in New York, visit family in Florida, visiting Washington DC, moving to Florida, moving to New York City, moving to Philly... and I loved every minute of these trips and moves.  But I wanted to see more of the country. At 29, I went to visit a friend/partner in Montana.  I was so excited to see a different landscape.  And it was.  The mountains were far different than the ones on the east coast.  The air felt different.  The peopl...

  What do you want to make a stand for and why? This actually fits in perfectly with the writing I was planning to do regarding the state of the country, so I'm killing two birds with one stone. Our country is quickly sliding into authoritarianism and oligarchy and it seems as though our constitution is an after thought rather than the document that has guided us for 250 years. I am seeing science being ignored for what the Christian right wants pushed. I am seeing distrust being sown for anything other than what the oligarchs and the Christian right think is correct.  I am seeing people losing their jobs and money being cut from budgets without a thought. I am seeing more hate than I have ever seen in my lifetime. Over the last 50 to 60 years, great strides had been made in equity for marginalized groups.  Women were starting to break into careers that they never had been able to before due to their gender, and the pay gap between men and women in the same position has b...

 Yes, I'm running a day later than usual.  I sat in front of the computer to type up my blog post and just... couldn't do it.  There are a lot of things on my mind regarding the state of the country and I just needed distraction rather than focus.  Today, while still worried, I feel better able to handle to frustrations and still be productive. My reading has been... I've been reading every day but I can't remember much of what I have read.  As per usual, I'm in the middle of about 5 books and I bounce between them.  My sleep-reading has continued the Guild Codex  series.  I finished Slaying Monsters for the Feeble (the 2nd book in the Demonized  sub-series) and started Druid Vices and a Vodka  last night.  These I don't count in my over all titles for reading because I'm asleep for a lot of it.  I finished The Radical King  and, once I've got the money to do so, am planning on buying a paperback copy of it that I can high...

 Yes, I missed updating last week.  It was a very busy week where I didn't get nearly as much done as I wanted to. But I was able to keep up with several things that I had on my list.  Here's the usual rundown. I read a lot of graphic novels over the last couple of weeks.  I'm up to 37 books so far.  I finished Locke & Key , books 4 ( Keys to the Kingdom), 5 (Clockworks)  and 6 ( Alpha and Omega ), along with the side books Heaven and Earth, Small World, and Open the Moon .  I also read some individual issues.  For one of my graphic novel book clubs, I had to read Destroyer by Victor LaVelle.  The problem was that my library didn't have the trade paperback for it.  So instead, I read each one individually.  It was an excellent series, and I think I'm going to have to check out more of his writing.  I also finished At 30, I Realized I Had No Gender: Life Lessons from a 50-Year-Old After Two Decades of Self-Discovery . I am c...

 Today, I had the closing on Dad's house.  It was far quicker than I expected, and much easier.  It was also a bit bittersweet because all I can think of are the things I left behind.  I know that I don't want or need them, but there's that bit of regret that always seems to happen with things like this.  But at least this part has finished.  I just need to wait for another couple months to get the remainder of the money after debts are paid.  There shouldn't be a lot of them so I should still get a good amount.  That, combined with what I'm getting back from my taxes... I should have a bit of a hefty padding to keep us afloat if things go bad. I spent time this past week decluttering my closet.  I got rid of a lot of crap that was just taking up space, reorganized my clothes in the closet, and put several things in a bag for Goodwill.  I was pretty pleased with how it all came out, and I'm no longer afraid of opening my closet to get so...

 Another week, more progress made.  It's actually been a fairly good week for many of my goals.  I've been keeping up the reading train and am, so far, at 21 books read this year.  I'm still relistening to the Guild Codex  series for bedtime, but since I'm not counting those... I did, however, finish listening to Whispers Underground  and  Broken Homes.   Now I'm waiting for Foxglove Summer  to come in so I can listen to that next.  I also read and listened to Every Heart a Doorway  by Seanan McGuire.  It was also one of my Friend Recommendation reads, so I'm making my way through that goal as well.  I finished all of the trade paperbacks of Undiscovered Country  (which is through volume 5), and I've started on a series that's intrigued me for awhile, Locke & Key  by Joe Hill.  I've finished the first three books and will probably dive into the fourth tonight.  The good thing with graphic novels is ...

 Sunday Assembly  had to be rescheduled from the 12th to the 19th thanks to the snow we'd gotten that weekend.  So I had to wait another week before I could put my worries of screwing up behind me.  It was a fairly big month for me.  Not only was I doing Trying My Best, but I was singing with the band.  Most of my singing was harmony for the songs others sang lead on ("Help", "Deeper Well", "Lovely Day", "Afterlife"), but I did get to sing lead on "Shake It Off".  I practiced quite a bit Sunday morning, hoping that I'd knock it out of the park.  I also made sure to practice my TMB as well. Set up and practice for Assembly started at 2:45.  It was the first time I'd helped with set up, but it wasn't too bad to go through.  I helped with a lot of the audio set up, then got a chance to practice with the band a couple of times.  I had to keep reminding myself that I don't need perfection, but to just try to do my best.  ...

 This week has been another busy one.  I have been getting more writing done, but not as much reading.  I actually haven't finished one book in the last week, which is a very unusual thing for me.  I've done some re-listening as bedtime reading - I'm going through Annette Marie's Guild Codex  series again.  I don't usually count those because they are strictly bedtime listening and I miss large swatches of them.  If I keep being unable to read or listen during the day, I may start counting them again. The audio book of Whispers Under Ground, the third book in the Rivers of London series by Ben Aaronovitch, came in so I've been listening to that lately.  The next book in the series, Broken Home,  is sitting in my Libby waiting for this one to finish.  I did read a little more in Marathon Man  and started re-reading Undiscovered Country  by Scott Snyder.  I'm not sure why I've been unable to settle in to reading.  I thi...